Indigo for Forget-Me-Nots
by NakedBearLady
Summary: Genderbent! McKenzie's tired of her constant dying ruining her grades, her future, and her possibility at a relationship. But can a sacrifice and and girl's unnatural ability to remember her death change all of that?
1. Chapter 1

I was positive I was going to die today. I could feel it, an ache in my bones, like how my grandmother says she feels when it's going to rain. The alarm next to me wasn't doing anything to brighten my mood as I stretched, my joints popping in the process. Pressing the snooze button, I curled back under the blankets, not really seeing the point to getting up early when I was just going to die anyway.

I was just about back to sleep when my mom's yelling startled me out of my warm cocoon. "Get your lazy ass out of bed McKenzie!" I glared at the alarm clock, noting that I still had twenty minutes before I had to leave the house. With a groan I swing myself out of bed; not bothering to turn off the alarm because I knew the noise would piss her off later. Figures she'd pick today to give a rat's ass whether I go to school or not.

I yawned as I trudged to my closet, still half asleep and more than a little pissed. It took a few minutes of staring blankly at the clothes before I found the energy to grab the first shirt I saw. I was already wearing the only semi clean pair of jeans I owned, and laundry wouldn't be done for another couple of days.. I pulled of my sleeping tank, stretching languidly as I did so. I always tried to enjoy the simple things on the days I died, anything to keep from feeling scared or sad.

It took a few moments of fumbling through the dirty clothes on the floor, but eventually I found a bra that didn't smell like cigarettes and sweat. As I secured it I made a mental note to tell my mother I would need a new one soon, my breast already out growing this one. I hoped they were done now, as bra shopping was more expensive than any of us cared to think about and I had long outgrown my mom's hand-me-downs.

I slid on my shirt and headed out, knowing if I didn't hurry my mother would come looking for me, and neither of us wanted that. She didn't normally give a shit about my attendance, but when she did she went full force. The house was relatively quiet, both dad and Kevin at work and Karen still sleeping. As I padded down the hall I peeked in her room, just checking that she was fine. After assuring myself she was I finally made my way to the kitchen.

It was one of those rare days where mom made breakfast, and the smell was intoxicating. My stomach growled, not surprising since dinner had been nonexistent last night. "Go on, dig in." I didn't need any more invitation than that to grab a plate and start piling the food on. It was only buttermilk biscuits and gravy, but it was delicious and I was more than hungry.

I had been out late last night, hanging out with the girls and by the time I got home any leftovers that had been there had already devoured. Stacey had offered to buy me something at the theater, but I already owed her from last time and didn't want to add anything else to my dept before I made it up to her. I inhaled the food in three seconds flat, almost going back for seconds, but I knew Karen would need it more than I did. I was going to die today anyway.

I dropped my dishes in the sink, knowing I'd end up washing them when I got home and snagged my hoodie, not bothering with my backpack when I knew it was pointless. "Thanks mom." I shouted as I dashed out the door, barely remembering to slide on my boots before I made the trek to the bus stop.

Stacey and Kayla were already there, but then I was sure they synchronized their watches to make it there at the same time, thus maximizing their how long they had together. "Hey Kenzie." Stacey smiled at me, waving. I waved back, shivering slightly in the Colorado air. Kayla didn't look up from her book, her gaze intent as the devoured the words.

As I neared them I could make out the title, though the fact that she was reading a math text book so avidly left me dumbstruck. "I didn't know AP Calc was so fascinating." Stacey chuckled as Kayla glanced up at me, seemingly surprised by my approach.

"Oh, hey McKenzie, didn't notice you there. Sorry, got to study a bit more, we have a quiz today in first period." I shrugged, standing next to Stacey and waiting for the bus. Far be it from me to keep her from studying.

"She was up all night studying, kept me awake." I patted Stacey on her shoulder, feeling bad for her.

"I told you guys last night this quiz was important. It's not my fault if you decide you want to drag me to a movie on a school night forcing me to study into the morning." I snickered at her outburst as Stacey dropped the subject, knowing she had lost before it started. Kayla wasn't on the debate team for nothing.

"It's too early for all of your squawking you bitch." I didn't need to turn to see the face Kayla was giving Erica.

"Shut up fat-ass". I quit listening after that, already knowing what they would say. It was the same every morning, and the monotony was starting to wear on me. I looked up to the sky wondering how it would happen this time. The squealing of the bus drug me out of my thoughts before they could start to affect me.

I was the first on the bus, not wanting to wait as they continued arguing. Not that it mattered, as their insults filled the bus all the way to school. I could already feel the makings of a migraine and it wasn't even first period. I hated being squished between the wall and Erica's thighs, but I suppose the closeness was comforting. I knew I was one of the few people who tolerated her this way, and because of that she needed me in a way that was addicting. Even if I thought she wore to much expensive perfume. Not that the stench of cigarettes wafting off of me was pleasant…

As soon as the bus stopped I climbed over the seat in front of me, too impatient to wait for Erica, and dashed out of the bus, heading straight to where I knew Crystal would be smoking before class. It was our morning ritual, I would bum a cigarette off of her, she would complain about me never having any, and we would smoke in peace before class. I knew she didn't mind, since she always waited for me to start.

Sometimes I thought she might even be closer to me that my other friends, but Crystal doesn't actually give a shit about anyone. Except maybe Tweek. But that was something I did not want to think about. Crystal was there, waiting as usual, a cigarette already held out to me as I turned down the alley. It wasn't an alley per se, just a small space between two buildings that only went back a couple feet, but it was secluded and no one came back here. "You're late McCormick." I shrugged, accepting her offer and lit it, inhaling deeply.

"Erica was bitchier than usual." Crystal snorted, but said nothing else as she lit her own and started smoking. We didn't feel the need for idle chat, we had friends for that. But somehow smoking was very sad when done alone, and neither of us were fond of it. I felt a buzzing in my pants, disturbing the moment. I pulled out my cell, a shitty flip phone that didn't even have demo Tetris, and glanced at the message.

_Did you remember your English paper? – Stacey_

I blinked then swore. I had actually finished the paper, but it was currently in my backpack, which was at home. Suddenly it didn't seem so pointless after all. Crystal's gaze was questioning, but she didn't pry, something I appreciated about her. My shoulders slumped as I realized I was about to lose my only passing grade. What even was the point?

_Why didn't you remind me at the bus stop? – McKenzie_

I knew my anger was pointless, it wasn't her fault I was so stupid. I took another long drag, wishing I had something stronger. Anything to fight back the tears. I wasn't sure why I was crying, I should be used to failing, I was tanking all of my other classes. But Mrs. Lewis had been so nice to let me do this make-up work, when no one else had bothered to care, and now I was going to lose my one decent grade.

_Sorry, I forgot about it. - Stacey_

I instantly felt worse, knowing she would take it to heart. I shoved the phone back into my pocket and finished the cigarette, stomping it out on the ground. There was no way I was facing Mrs. Lewis today. Fuck school and fuck life. I would go wait at Stark's pond for death to finally claim me, and get a fresh start tomorrow.

Crystal didn't try to stop me as I stormed off of school property, not that she could have. Everything was a blur as I marched, and I idly wondered if my period would be coming soon. I wasn't usually this emotional over things I already knew I couldn't control. A giggle brought me out of my reverie. It was Marjorine, laughing at some stupid book as she crossed the street. Where the crossing guard was I had no idea, but the truck speeding toward here clearly didn't intend to stop.

Without a second though I ran to her, shoving her out of the way of the collision just in time to be hit myself.

* * *

Special Chocolate Chip Cookie to anyone who can guess Clyde's, Bebe's and Wendy's names.


	2. Chapter 2

I suppose I should say that I don't own South Park.

* * *

"Oh hamburgers!" The blood was warm on my skin, staining my clothes and hair crimson. I couldn't move from my position, splayed on the street where McKenzie had shoved me not seconds earlier. My eyes were wide as I stared at her remains, strewn across the road, lacking all of the dignity I felt such a sacrifice deserved. I finally tore my gaze away, glancing down to my trembling hands. They were covered in that hot, sticky liquid. All of a sudden it was too much and I vomited.

There was noise in the background, a buzzing sort of sound that distracted me from the filth around me. I felt hands on my shoulders, lifting me to my feet and supporting my on my shaky legs. Stacey and Kayla were there, their faces horror-stricken. Further back I saw Erica storming towards me, her furious expression normally enough to frighten me held little weight now.

"It should have been you, you stupid fucking bitch!" I blinked at her, unsure how to respond. Of course it should have been me. I was the one crossing the road without looking.

"Now Erica, you need to apologize right now. This is not Marjorine's fault." Mr. Garrison, whom I now recognized, patted my shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry sweetie, we called your parents, they'll be here to pick you up soon." He turned back to a silently fuming Erica. "Where's that apology missy?"

"I'm not apologizing to that retarded ass cunt! She shouldn't have been crossing the fucking road, and now McKenzie's fucking dead!" She turned back to me, her eyes glowing with hatred. "Fuck you Marjorine." I knew I was crying, could feel the tears running down my face, just like I knew Mr. Garrison had yelled at Erica and told her to get out of the road. And yet I felt as though I was a million miles away, watching as all of this happens to me.

My parents came for me eventually, picking my up from the guidance office I didn't remember walking to. They didn't say anything, but then, they didn't need to. The car ride home was stifling; my parents talking among themselves as though I wasn't there, my dad complaining that he had missed work for this. Somewhere in my mind I knew I should be grounded for this, but I couldn't find it in myself to care.

I was out of the car before it completely stopped, almost running inside to the shower, ignoring my parent's shouts. I locked the door, stripping quickly, and turned the water on as hot as it would go. It scalded my skin, but burned in the most cleansing way.

"Cleanliness is next to godliness…" I repeated it like a mantra as I scrubbed till I was certain my skin was raw. I quickly moved to my hair, shampooing at least three times, though I lost count after that. It still wasn't enough, I still felt dirty, tainted, but the water was turning cold. With a sigh I sank to the ground, hugging my knees to me as I cried.

I could still see it replaying in my mind; see every second in excruciating detail. "Marjorine, stop wasting the water and get out of the shower!" I didn't get up, just turned the switch, ignoring the chill in the air. I suppose my mom came to get me at some point, because the next time I noticed my surroundings I was in bed, the sun already down. I turned to the clock, seeing it was past bed time, and rolled back over, deciding all I could do was sleep.

* * *

I woke up as the sun rose, almost as if startled by a nightmare. I glanced down; assuring myself that I in fact did _not_ look like was hit by a truck, and breathed a sigh of relief. I slid out of bed feeling refreshed; heaven had been more than pleasant last night. I stretched quickly, rolling back on the balls of my feet, and yawned. I was still in the clothes I had died in yesterday, but I felt no need to change. It wasn't like anyone would see the shirt under my jacket.

The alarm went off then, startling me. I threw my pillow at it, effectively shutting it off and dropped to the floor, fumbling under my bed for my backpack. There was no way I was forgetting it after yesterday. As I thought back on yesterday I couldn't help but wonder if Marjorine was okay. I knew she'd be fine now, but anyone would be traumatized by what happened. Making myself a promise to spend some time with her today I swung the bag over my shoulder and headed out. I knew I'd be early to the stop, but I couldn't help but feel like today was going to be a good day.

There was no breakfast this morning and my stomach suffered from it. I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning, and I resolved to eat something before class, whether I had to bum off of Stacey or not. Kayla and Stacey were already there, making me wonder just how early they left for the stop. "Where were you yesterday? We had to fight off space pirates without you." I shrugged.

"Just didn't feel like school for the day." It was a lie I'd been using for a while now, but one that always worked. Neither girl said anything to it; we stood in companionable silence, enjoying each other's company. It was Erica who broke the silence as she arrived, greeting us as usual.

"Stacey, McKenzie, Jew Rat." I had to hand it to Kayla, she didn't jump to the bait like she used to. Though whether that was due to ignoring it or not hearing it over her studies was beyond me. Her nose was buried in her physics book, not giving Erica a drop of attention.

"Shove it Cartman." Erica giggled at Stacey's defense, twirling her hair around her finger.

"Oh, I'm sorry, wouldn't want to disturb the kike while she studies." Stacey went to say something back but Kayla grabbed her arm, something Erica missed. I couldn't help but wonder when that happened. The bus arrived then, and they all calmed down, lining up to shuffle in. It was the same as every other day, me pressed between Erica and the wall, her perfume still too strong, but it was almost comforting. Their banter resumed, though I ignored it, preferring to let my thoughts wander back to Marjorine. I hoped she hadn't struggled too much yesterday.

The bus squealed when it stopped, and for once I wasn't in a hurry to get off. Which was a good thing since Erica took her sweet time getting off. We were the last ones out, and I took the opportunity to stop and scan the campus for the blond I was searching for. She wasn't hard to spot, her petit frame contrasting with everyone else.

I jogged to her and grabbed her shoulder. "Hey Marjorine, what's up?" She turned to face me her movements swift and almost jerky. As soon as she laid eyes on me her jaw dropped.

"But, you're dead!" I quickly covered her mouth, reacting totally on instinct, and drug her away from the crowd. Once we were safely away from everyone I dropped my hand.

"What do you mean I'm dead?" Marjorine look terrified, so I softened my gaze a bit. "Come on, I'm not dead, see?" I pulled her hand up to my cheek to let her feel me.

"But, you pushed me out of the way yesterday, and the truck hit you! You were strewn all over the street; I couldn't even recognize any body parts, Christ McKenzie you died for me!" I blinked, unsure how to proceed. A quick pinch to my arm told me I wasn't dreaming, but no one remembered my deaths. _No one_. "Oh, golly, are you okay McKenzie?" Her concern brought me back, and in that moment I could kiss her. So I did.

I pulled away before her, and instantly felt bad. Her face was redder than a tomato, her lips struggling to make words that weren't there. Finally she snapped out of it. "Jeez Kenzie, don't do that again!" I chuckled, ruffling her hair as I did so.

"Sorry Marjorine. It's just that no one remembers when I die." Her blank expression let me know that I needed to give her more of an explanation than that. "Look, ditch with me, and I'll tell you everything." She seemed hesitant, biting her lip in debate. I pulled her against me, walking for both of us. "Don't worry Marjorine, it's just one day."

* * *

Lying on the bank of Stark's pond, Marjorine beside me, as we laughed and joked was the most liberating feeling of my life. It was the first time, the absolute first, that I had come clean with my secret and that person believed me. I had no walls around Marjorine, and it felt spectacular. "The only thing I don't understand, is why did you jump in and save me, doesn't dying hurt?" My laughter died, but my smile remained, unable to leave my face.

"Well, yeah, it hurts like a bitch, but I've been hit by a truck before. Besides, it's no big deal." Majorine shivered, inching closer to me. I rolled to my side and grinned down at her.

"I just wish you didn't have to go through that." I shrugged, falling onto my back again.

"I've been this way for as long as I can remember." She didn't say anything after that, and I was grateful. I didn't want to have to tell her that the physical pain wasn't the half of it. Marjorine didn't need to deal with that. Even so, I couldn't help but wish that we could stay like this forever.

* * *

Also, the cookies go to RatherOddRanger! I loved your suggestion and shall be using it! Thank you for the review!


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